


The Shrek Bible

by SpeakerOfTheTruth



Category: Christian Bible (Old Testament), Shrek (Movies)
Genre: Biblical References, Canon Compliant, Domestic Fluff, Dragons, F/M, Fairy Tale Elements, Found Family, Friendship, Interspecies Relationship(s), Interspecies Romance, Marriage Proposal, Ogres, Other, Slow Burn, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 10:43:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14470911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpeakerOfTheTruth/pseuds/SpeakerOfTheTruth
Summary: 18  And the Dragon did set aflame the tail of Donkey,and for this injury leveled against his beloved andmost sacred companion in friendship, Shrek didseize the tail of the fell beast and was flung intothe tower.19  And in this flinging, guided by the Lord himself,Shrek was transported to the uppermost chamberof the castle wherein lay the prisoner of the Dragon.





	The Shrek Bible

THE BOOK OF

GENESIS

 

 

** The History of the Creation of the Swamp **

I N  the beginning God created the Swamp and the Swamp was dark and without life. 

2    Then God said, “Let there be Shrek,” and God saw that Shrek was good.

3   Then God took Shrek and put him in the Swamp to tend and keep it.

4   And God commanded Shrek, saying, “This shall be your Swamp.”

5   Then God filled the Swamp with mud and moss and all manner of living things.

6 Thus the Swamp and Shrek and the mud and the  moss and all manner of the living things were finished, and God saw that they were good.  Then on the 2nd verse of the holy symphony  All Star , God ended his work which he had done and he rested on the 2nd verse.

7   And Shrek did then survey the Swamp gifted unto him by the Lord Almighty.

8   Then the Lord said to Shrek, “Here are the storied texts and illuminations of those beyond the Swamp, and such are the texts  of the faerie taled beyond.” And Shrek did read these texts of his neighbors beyond the Swamp, and he did wipe himself with the heretical texts of the faerie.

9   Then the Lord said to Shrek, “Bathe daily in the mud from the Swamp which I have created for you.” And Shrek did bathe in the mud and the aroma was pungent.

10   Then the Lord said to Shrek, “Cleanse your teeth with the juice of the insects which I have created for you.” And Shrek did cleanse his teeth.

11   And Shrek did create Art in the form of his own visage, and he left his Art at the gateway to his home in the Swamp as a sign for travelers weak and weary.

12   And then Shrek did feast on the eyeballs of the fallen to maintain his form in health and vigor.

13   And Shrek did expel gas from his abdominables to create a Sacred Flame with which he lit his home and maintained his warmth.

 

** The Introduction of the Donkey Who Spoke in the Tongues of Man **

N OW  it came to pass when men began to multiply on the surface of the Earth that the sons of men saw Shrek, that he was beautiful, and they became incensed with envy.

15   And the men did seek to destroy Shrek from the Swamp with perverse fire and tools crafted from the dark stones of the Earth.  
  
16   Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great on the surface of the Earth, and the Lord said to Shrek, “Destroy any man who enters your Swamp from the face of the earth.”

17   The men feared the beauty and strength of Shrek, and quailed before his towering might and God-given emerald skin.

18   And Shrek did destroy their perverse fire and he did let out a holy cry rich in Righteousness.

19   And Shrek did say unto the wicked and unrighteous men, “ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴜɴ ᴀᴡᴀʏ.”

20   And Shrek did chase them from the Swamp to their far corners of the unholy world, and laughed, and called after them with Strength and Power,  “Aɴᴅ ꜱᴛᴀʏ ᴏᴜᴛ!”

21   Then the evil plots of man were revealed to Shrek in the form of a paper loose and unbound, but Shrek did not heed this warning which God had provided for him and he returned to the swamp.

22   And the men did continue their evil and godless work, in selling those who would partake in witchcraft and those who were animals who had upon them the gift of Speech and those who were puppets of wood seeking to become of the flesh.  And then man did seek to sell a Donkey who had upon him the gift of Speech, but the Donkey wisely held his tongue and did not reveal to the men this most worthy of gifts.

23   For his wisdom, God saw fit to bless the Donkey, whose name was Donkey, with flight, but in his hubris, Donkey spoke suddenly declaring, “I can fly,” and revealed himself to man and for this act of hubris, God took back his gifts so that Donkey could no longer fly.

24   Man pursued Donkey through the woods of their lands and pursued Donkey into the Swamp, and Donkey encountered as his rescuer and  savior Shrek of the Swamp.

25   And Shrek did protect Donkey in his Swamp, and Shrek did chase away wicked man with two questions of the most holy order: “Oʜ, ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ? Yᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴍʏ?”

26   Then Shrek took donkey into his swamp and spoke to him in a holy cry rich in righteousness, and Donkey listened and did not fear Shrek as the wicked men had feared him.

27   And so Shrek and Donkey did form a most perfect and holy friendship, amen.

28   Then Donkey sang to Shrek from the Swamp, and Shrek did reply with a most holy edict and spoke thusly: “Sᴛᴏᴘ ꜱɪɴɢɪɴɢ!”

29   And Shrek told Donkey his name, which was Shrek, and their bond was sealed in the eyes of the Lord for all of time.

30   And Donkey surveyed the Swamp that the Almighty Lord had gifted unto Shrek, and Donkey declared, “I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.”

31   And then Donkey declared to Shrek that he would make waffles, but Shrek demanded that Donkey sleep out in the company of the sun and the moon where there were no waffle irons or flour or baking soda or sugar with which he might make the waffles.  In his turmoil at being cast out by Shrek, Donkey began to sing.

32   And Sh rek did light his table with wax from his ear, and by its holy light he spent the day at its close in his nightly rituals and prayers.

33   And Donkey observed these holy rituals and saw that Shrek’s faith was true and pure.

 

** Wherein the Swamp Becomes the Holy Sanctuary of the People of the Faerie **

T HEN into the Swamp came the mice without sight and the women cast deep in slumber and the wolf dressed as Woman and the witches of the wider woods and the man who lured rats and all the rest of the denizens of the realm of the faerie.

25   Soon it was revealed to Shrek that the Swamp which God had created for him had become a holy sanctuary for all manner of magical creatures and beasts, and as this was revealed to him, Shrek let out a mighty bellow which echoed across the swamp, “ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ꜱᴡᴀᴍᴘ?”

26   And it was revealed to Shrek that the false Lord Farquad, who was a false and untrue lord, was the man whose wickedness had led the creatures thusly.

27   And Shrek from the Swamp did ask, “Wʜᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡꜱ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜɪꜱ Fᴀʀǫᴜᴀᴅ ɢᴜʏ ɪꜱ?”

28   And the true Lord, speaking through the mouth of the holy and guileless Donkey, revealed the location of Farquad’s sinful lair to Shrek, and Shrek did swear then to the creatures massed in his holy Swamp, “I’ʟʟ ɢᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ᴏꜰꜰ ᴍʏ ʟᴀɴᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀᴍᴇ ꜰʀᴏᴍ.”

29   And the faerie folk and the beasts and the magical creatures and the wooden boy and the donkey whose name was Donkey and the three sightless rodents cheered and laughed in jubilation.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

THE BOOK OF

EXODUS

 

 

** Entrance to the Town of the False Lord Farquad **

A ND so Shrek and Donkey journeyed from the holy Swamp and crossed the lands of men and traversed the fields of corn to reach the town of Duloc.

2   And they did cause the guardian of the holy gates a fright.

3   But the town of Duloc was empty and void of life.  And the angels in chorus did greet Shrek and Donkey upon their passage through the gates with the holy song :

 

** Welcome to Duloc **

_1 Such a perfect town_

_        Here we have some rules _

_2   Let us lay them down_

_        Don’t make waves _

_3   Stay in line_

_        And we’ll get along fine _

_4 Duloc is a perfect place_

_        Please keep off of the grass _

_5 Shine your shoes_

_        Wipe your face _

_6 Duloc is a perfect place_

 

4   Then, Shrek from the Swamp and Donkey came upon the false Lord Farquad’s evil tournament, and Shrek did pray to the Lord for guidance and strength in battle, and the Lord did grant him great strength and charisma and a chair of folding with which to strike down his opponents.

5   And a barrel of the Lord’s good and frothy ale and the holy music of  Bad Reputation  led Shrek to victory in this fight.

6   And the crowd of men gathered at this tournament cried out in joy to see Shrek thusly. Then the false Lord Farquad saw the glory and strength of Shrek and named him Champion and gave unto him an unholy quest.

 

** Shrek and Donkey Journey to the Castle of the Violet Fell-Beast **

A ND so Shrek and Donkey traveled deeper into the lands of men and spoke at length of violence against men and of ogres and of onions and their layers.

8   And Shrek did speak of layers and he gave voice to the holy edicts thusly: “Oɴɪᴏɴꜱ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʟᴀʏᴇʀꜱ. Oɢʀᴇꜱ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʟᴀʏᴇʀꜱ” and also “I ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇꜱ. Oɢʀᴇꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ Cᴀᴋᴇꜱ” and so Shrek spoke, amen.

9   And so Shrek and Donkey did travel guided by the Lord and the Lord’s holy song  I’m on My Wee . 

10 They did travel through  forest and across a beach and up the steep and cratered craigs of volcanic earth.

11   And it was there on the volcanic earth that Shrek and Donkey came upon a bridge made of ropes and wooden planks and beneath the bridge there raged a great inferno of fire and brimstone which spewed forth a sweltering and hellish heat as if from the mouth of Hell itself.

12   And Donkey spoke of the odors of the Earth, to which Shrek said of his own odor, “Iꜰ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴍᴇ, ʏᴏᴜ’ᴅ ʙᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴅ.”

13   Shrek guided Donkey across the bridge but Donkey whose gentle and untempered heart was filled with fear of the inferno below looked down and became overwhelmed.

14   Then Shrek began to rock the bridge with his tremendous strength until Donkey was shaken from his petrification and could cross over safely and without fear.

15   And then Shrek did compliment his good and holy friend with the gentle words, “Tʜᴀᴛ’ʟʟ ᴅᴏ, Dᴏɴᴋᴇʏ. Tʜᴀᴛ’ʟʟ ᴅᴏ.”

16   And Donkey replied thusly:  “Coo.”

17   And then Shrek from the Swamp and Donkey did enter the castle, where Shrek sent Donkey on a virtuous and holy mission to uncover the stairs, and Donkey did not find the stairs, but instead found the feral Hell-beast called Dragon, and Donkey saw that Dragon was a dragon.

18   And the Dragon did set aflame the tail of Donkey, and for this injury leveled against his beloved and most sacred companion in friendship, Shrek did seize the tail of the fell beast and was flung into the tower.

19   And in this flinging, guided by the Lord himself, Shrek was transported to the uppermost chamber of the castle wherein lay the prisoner of the Dragon.

20   Donkey did seduce the Dragon with honeyed words and insincere flattery.

21   And the dragon’s prisoner was revealed to be a most beautiful and purehearted daughter of the Lord.  Shrek shook her with some violence to rouse her from her holy slumber and asked of her, “Are you Princess Fiona?”  And indeed, she was the Princess Fiona, hereafter named Lady Fiona, who in this moment of renaming also gave Shrek the new name “Sir Knight.”

22   And Shrek did give the Lady Fiona his true name, which was Shrek, whereupon Lady Fiona did make a gift to him of her handkerchief, and Shrek did wipe his brow with this gift and then did return it to the Lady Fiona.

23   But Shrek did not leave the castle without his Donkey and he said of Donkey: “I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴀᴠᴇ ᴍʏ ᴀꜱꜱ.”

24   And then Shrek came upon Donkey and Dragon lustfully entwined and sacrificed his own purity to save Donkey from his sins of passion.

26   The saviour Shrek then placed a collar of gold around the neck of the Dragon and did subdue the Dragon with its own chains. 

27   Blessed with strength from the Lord Almighty, Shrek from the Swamp did lift his companions Donkey and the Lady Fiona and carry them from the sinful lair of the Dragon and back into the world of men.

 

 

** Lady Fiona Entering the World of Men **

T HEN Lady Fiona did ask to look upon the visage of her rescuer, and she did look upon the face of Shrek, and she did express great disappointment with the sight of him for she was born of men and not of the Lord and knew not beauty and strength  29   when she gazed upon it.

And Lady Fiona refused to accompany Shrek and Donkey, but with the strength and blessing of the Lord Almighty, Shrek did lift her and carry her through the land of men.

30   Then the Lady Fiona became agitated and demanded with Fierce voice and pose that Shrek and Donkey make camp within the woods near a cave in which the Lady Fiona did sequester herself and retreat from the holy company Donkey and Shrek who instead desired to sleep under the sky of the Lord.

31   And Shrek did make to seal the Lady within her stone bedchamber, but the Good Lord did speak through Donkey and discourage him from this sin.  And the Lord did speak through Donkey to open the heart of Shrek to the true bonds of friendship and love, but Shrek did not open his heart and his heart became hardened.

32   But Donkey did persist in his vows of true and unbroken friendship and did soften the hardened heart of Shrek from the Swamp.  

33  Now the Lady Fiona did witness Shrek and Donkey  exchanging vows of friendship and grew ashamed of her spying and turned away from them.  When the Lady Fiona and Shrek and Donkey traveled through the woods of man, the Lady Fiona did exhibit one of the Powers granted unto her by her Father the Good Lord, which was to sing notes both high and clear, and so pure and untainted was her voice that all creatures of the forest who heard her could not withstand the holy sound which was akin to the voice of God and the creatures did implode, amen.

34   Shrek and Donkey did then eat the offspring of the imploded creatures as their morning meal, and for this bounty thus provided by the Good Lord and His gifts, Shrek and the Lady Fiona did belch in morning benediction and grateful prayer.

35   Now it was well known that in these woods did reside Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men who sang at Shrek and Donkey with vulgar language and innuendo.

36   And they did attempt to seduce the Lady Fiona with this music, but the Lady Fiona fought with spirit and heart against such onslaught and waylaid the Merry Men with Martial Arts.

37   Now, in the heat of the battle, Shrek’s buttocks had been pierced by an arrow of the Merry Men, and Lady Fiona cried out to see this, and she cried thusly, “There’s an arrow in your butt!”

38   And Donkey did express great anguish at this news, and so Lady Fiona did send him on the good and holy mission of finding flowers crowned in blue and red.

39   And Shrek did resist greatly when the Lady Fiona attempted to pull the arrow from his buttocks, but the Lady Fiona was successful in this good and righteous work.

40   And when Donkey saw the arrow thus removed, he did faint, and so Shrek, with the strength of the Good Lord, did carry him hence.

41   And Shrek from the Swamp and the Lady Fiona and Donkey did travel deeper into the lands of men.

42   And during their long and tireless travels Shrek and the Lady Fiona did demonstrate to one another their many talents which had been granted to them by the Lord and included the inflation frogs and snakes, and the catching of many flies on a stick.  And they found their talents complementary and did begin to form the good and holy bonds of friendship.

43   And then Donkey did demonstrate his own gifts to Shrek and Lady Fiona by dislocating his neck from the bone of his skull, though it caused him great pain, and Shrek and Lady Fiona were disgusted by the sight of it and turned away from him.

44  When the sun became low in the sky the Lady Fiona again became agitated and requested a place to rest for the night and retired into a nearby shed while her companions Shrek and Donkey again chose to remain beneath the sky of the Lord.

45   And as the Lady Fiona and Shrek bade one another good night, the Lord spoke through Donkey to speak of love.

46   But Shrek hardened his heart and turned away and went into the dark.

47   Then in the night, Donkey entered the shed in which Lady Fiona slept and a Green Beast fell from the upper floors of the shed and Donkey cried out in fear, “Oh my god, you ate the princess!”

48   But the Green Beast said to Donkey, “It’s me, Fiona,”  but Donkey did not believe her, so the Lord granted him clear sight and Donkey saw with true eyes and did see that the Lady Fiona was herself in a new form.

49   And the Lady Fiona did explain the beginnings of her curse and her tragedy and did seek solace from Donkey, and Donkey spoke in the words of Lord and said, “Well, Shrek is ugly 24/7.”

50   Then, Shrek of the Swamp did return to their campsite with a flower of the radiant sun which he intended to give to the Lady Fiona, but he heard Donkey and the Lady Fiona whispering together inside the shack and became discouraged and envy entered his heart and he left.

51   The Lady Fiona did find the flower and did use it as an instrument of prophecy and insight and did determine to tell Shrek the truth of her heart.

52   When Lady Fiona awoke that morning and returned to her unsightly form born of the sins of man, Shrek returned and they spoke at cross purposes and they misunderstood one another as they spoke and there was much confusion and pain.

53   Now the false Lord Farquad arrived at their campsite, and the Lady Fiona met the false Lord Farquad and she saw that he was very short in stature, but she accepted nonetheless his offer of marriage and did request that the marriage take place before the setting of the sun on that day for she was filled with great spite and anger towards Shrek with whom she had just had a great misunderstanding.

54   And once more, the Lord spoke through Donkey and sought to open the heart of Shrek from the Swamp.

55   But Shrek was also filled with great spite and anger and would not listen and his heart was hard.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

THE BOOK OF

LAMENTATIONS

 

** The Great Sorrow of Shrek and Fiona **

A ND so began the great sorrow of Shrek from the Swamp and the purehearted Lady Fiona, and their sorrow was accompanied by Rufus Wainwright and his holy rendition of  Hallelujah .

2   And Donkey and Shrek walked with great sorrow through the woods, alone and apart from each other and their friendship was split in twain, and Shrek came upon a broken mirror and gazed upon his own face.

3   And the Lady Fiona was donning the veil of her wedding made of white linen and she also gazed upon her own face in a hall of mirrors.

4   Then Shrek of the Swamp saw several flowers of the radiant sun on the table in his dining hall and became overwhelmed with sadness and rage and cast them into the fire.

5   And the Lady Fiona did alter her wedding cake to make account of the false Lord Farquad’s true height in the eyes of the True Lord.

6   Dragon and Donkey found each other in the emptiness of the Swamp and they gazed into one other’s eyes and saw the goodness and righteousness of God in each other’s eyes and they knew each other.

 

 

 

7   And Shrek ate alone in the Swamp, and the Lady Fiona dined alone in the hall of the false Lord Farquad.

 

* * *

 

THE BOOK OF

SHREK

 

** Donkey becomes Donkey of the Swamp **

N OW Donkey returned to the Swamp of the Lord which had been gifted unto Shrek and began constructing a wall as he intended to claim part of the Holy Swamp for himself.  But Shrek, in his rage and sorrow, and against the Lord’s wishes, denied Donkey his rightful claim to the Swamp.

2   Then the Lord spoke again through his vessel Donkey and tried again to turn the heart of Shrek away from darkness.

3   And Donkey with the words given to him by the Lord said unto Shrek,  “Just shut up and pay attention!” and lo, Shrek did pay attention and Donkey said thusly, “That’s what friends do -- they forgive each other.”

4   But Shrek’s heart was still hardened and he could not hear the words of the Lord or the words of his most beloved and cherished friend Donkey and locked himself inside his outhouse.

5   And so the Good Lord of all things True and Just did speak again through Donkey to say, “You’re so wrapped up in layers, Onion-Boy, that you’re afraid of your own feelings.”

6   This was the Holy Truth which the Lord saw fit to reveal to Shrek through Donkey: that the Lady Fiona had not been speaking of him when she described the ugliness of an unweddable creature.

7   And this tempted Shrek and he at last repented and spoke to Donkey as well as to the Lord, “I’ᴍ ꜱᴏʀʀʏ. I ɢᴜᴇꜱꜱ I ᴀᴍ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴀ ʙɪɢ, ꜱᴛᴜᴘɪᴅ, ᴜɢʟʏ ᴏɢʀᴇ. Cᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀɢɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ?”

8   And the Lord and Donkey did forgive him, amen.

9   And Shrek and Donkey renewed their bonds of friendship and eternal companionship and vowed to save the Lady Fiona from the den of sin in which she was held prisoner by the false Lord Farquad.

10   Now Donkey revealed to Shrek his companionship with Dragon who had been cleansed by the Lord and set on the path to righteousness and descended now from the Heavens of Our Lord to cary Shrek from the Swamp and Donkey from the Swamp into the Gates of Hell.

 

** The Breaking of the Unholy Union **

W HEN the unholy union between the false Lord Farquad and the Lady Fiona began, the agents of our Good and Gracious Lord entered again the lands of men.

12  And Donkey set loose his Dragon upon the land of Duloc to reign righteous fire and brimstone down upon its sinful denizens.

13   Then Shrek with his God-given strength did toss Donkey into the air to bear witness to the proceedings of the unholy union, but Donkey could not bear witness through the eye of the lofted window, and so Shrek did toss him again, and then again once more.

14   And then Donkey did realize, upon his final tossing, that the unholy union had progressed too far, and he relayed this to Shrek with the utterance, “Oh, he already said it.”

15   And then Shrek, in the throes of his fiery passions, did eject “Oʜ! Fᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴏꜰ Pᴇᴛᴇ!” and in these passions he did forgo the final recapture of Donkey in his strong arms, and Donkey did fall.

16   And Shrek did enter the unholy church and he did cry, “I ᴏʙᴊᴇᴄᴛ!” and he did try to turn the Lady Fiona away from the sin of joining with the false Lord Farquad in marriage.

17   But the Lady Fiona’s heart was hardened against Shrek and she would not hear him. 

18   And then Shrek’s heart was opened and he spoke his truth at last and he said to Fiona, “Hᴇ ɪꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ Tʀᴜᴇ Lᴏᴠᴇ.”

19   And the false Lord Farquad did mock Shrek for his true and righteous words for they burned his soul as would the Word of God, but the Lady Fiona saw the truth which was that the false Lord Farquad was indeed not her True Love.

10   The light of God did surround the Lady Fiona and she did shed the unsightly form given unto her by the sins of man and she did become the Green Beast of which Donkey had been so frightened and of which he had borne witness.

21   And Shrek looked upon her new form and was overcome by the beauty of her truest self.

22   But the false Lord Farquad hardened his heart against her true form and become enraged at the most Godly and holy sight and did order his guards to attack Shrek and so they did attack him.

23   Then the false Lord Farquad held a dagger to the throat of the Lady Fiona and Shrek cried out in pain and sorrow and his heart was open and in twain.

24   Then Donkey, atop his new and righteous love Dragon, burst forth through the window, guided by the Lord our God, and the false Lord Farquad was thusly eaten and died, amen.

25   And the crowd clapped and cheered in confusion.

26   And Shrek did love the Lady Fiona and he did say unto the Lady Fiona, “I ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ,” and the Lady Fiona did love Shrek and she did say unto to Shrek, “I love you, too.”

27   And then the Lady Fiona did take Love’s True Form and Loves True Form was the form of the Green Beast as God intended in His everlasting love and wisdom, amen.

 

 

* * *

 

 

THE REVELATION

OF SHREK

 

** The Forging of the True and Holy Union **

T HE Revelation of Shrek which God gave him to show the servants of Shrek what things which must shortly take place.  And Shrek sent and signified it by the most Holy of Songs  I’m a Believer  and by his servant Donkey, who bore witness to the word of God and to the testimony of Shrek and to all things that he saw.

2   Blessed is she who reads this and those who hear the words of this prophecy and keep those things which are written in it: for the time is near.

3   There gathered all of the faerie folk and the wooden boy and the wolf dressed as Woman and three small pigs and the three sightless rodents and the sleeping woman and the seven small men, and all the many beasts and creatures of the land to bear witness to the union of Shrek and the Lady Fiona.

4   And God did bless them with a large vessel resembling a layered vegetable of the rooted earth affixed to four wheels which was pulled by great beasts as white as the milky eyes of the Fates And the Swamp became a Holy Sanctuary and lo, the folk of the faerie did live there in continued bliss and in everlasting peace with their Lord and Savior on Earth who was Shrek of the Swamp.

5   And Dragon did catch the bundle of flowers which the Lady Fiona had thrown and offered them to Donkey.

6   And the man of ginger and bread had been granted a cane with which to walk, and had also been granted, by the Lord, one leg with which to support himself on the cane, and with this cane and one leg he walked much and with great happiness.

7   And there was much dancing and rejoicing and singing of  I’m a Believer  and they did live Happily Ever After, amen.


End file.
